"In My Heart I Cry" Poem by Robert Wakefield

By Robert Wakefield

About this poem: Our son died suddenly. Still hurting during a typical sleepless night, I wrote this poem in about 40 minutes. It’s been modified just slightly since then.

“How much are you grieving?”
I really don’t know
The kid passed away two years ago;
I was asked this question the other day
It was stunning and galling
What could I say?
I might utter it’s fine
Since my son went away,
My days forge along
Like a strange passion play;
I still go to church and manage my job
Now and then I bike and I jog,
Trying hard each day
To lift the thick fog
That envelops me
And holds me tight
Reminding me it’s not quite alright;
Life does go on for the rest of us
Day after day, it surely is thus;
Buck up, they all say,
‘til the pain goes away.
But how can they know
When I’m feeling low,
If they’ve not been through it
It’s hard to construe it.
So I smile at the world
I can be good for a laugh—
But in my heart, I cry.
So am I still mourning;
Does it now really matter?
Two years have passed on
We’ve grown older and fatter
My friends have quit asking
If I’m really okay
They have their own lives
And never think of that day.
They assume I’m much better
And I’m trying to get by,
But they never observe
When my tears are so nigh.
Too often it seems
I just numb the dull pain
And stifle my screams --
Or have sleepless nights
That halt restless dreams.
So I go through the motions,
Smiling here,
Laughing there,
Meandering through life
Without further care—
Or so it may seem
To those who weren’t there.
I so rarely shed tears
When others are near
But in my heart, I cry.
– by Robert Wakefield (©2018)
*Please note that this poem is an original work by Robert Wakefield. We request that readers refrain from plagiarization, and that no words are used out of context, whether on social media or in graphics. Thank you.