Staying connected with friends and loved ones has become more accessible and easier than ever, thanks to social media and technology. It helps those who live out of town or are travelling stay in touch. Having the ability to let someone know immediately you’re thinking about them and are there for them is helpful, especially after a loss. However, knowing how to do so appropriately over text can be difficult. This blog will walk through how to approach sending condolences over text, knowing what to say and what not to say, and offer convenient sympathy gift ideas you can easily send online from laurelbox.

Why do so many of us make it weird when a friend is grieving? It’s like our personalities change or we lose the ability to remember social norms. Grief has a way of making people feel awkward because it pulls us out of the normal rhythms of conversation and behavior, leaving us unsure of how to act or what to say. Someone who is grieving might worry about bringing the mood down, oversharing, or saying the “wrong” thing, while those around them may stumble through interactions, afraid of causing more pain. Everyday social rules suddenly feel fragile; laughter can feel inappropriate, silence can feel too loud, and even simple questions like “How are you?” become complicated. In that uncertainty, grief turns ordinary moments into delicate mindfields, where everyone is trying to be kind but no one quite knows how. Sometimes people say really insensitive, stupid or downright awful things. If you want to spend a few minutes questioning humanity, read through this Reddit thread of terrible things people have said after a loved one dies. However, in a digital age we have the ability to thoughtfully write out kind sympathy messages that can hopefully encourage the recipient and offer love and support. 

Condolence simply means an expression of sympathy, especially on the occasion of a death. The manner in which we offer condolences has obviously shifted as so much of life has with the advancement of the digital age. While a mailed sympathy card is always a kind and welcomed gesture, sending a text is an immediate way to offer support to someone grieving.

Here are some thoughtful, low-pressure ways to send condolences over text. Simple, kind, loving responses to grief can let the person know you care and are willing to support them on their grief journey. Whatever you end up writing, make sure it sounds like you! 

Simple and To The Point

• “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m thinking of you.”
• “I was really sad to hear about your loss. Sending you so much love.”
• “I don’t have the right words, but know that I’m thinking about you.”

Acknowledge the Loss

• “I can’t imagine how hard this is. I’m so sorry you’re going through it.”
• “This is incredibly unfair, and I’m so sorry.”
• “I know nothing can fix this, but I’m here for you.”

Offer Support With Zero Pressure

• “If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Or if you don’t want to talk, I’ll just sit with you.”
• “No need to respond or text back. Just wanted you to know I care.”
• “I’m here for you, however I can be helpful.”

Say Their Loved Ones Name

• “I’ll always remember how kind/funny/sweet your (mom/dad/Uncle/spouse) was.”
• “(Their name) made such an impact on everyone who knew him/her.”
• “I’m so sad I didn’t get to know (name). The stories you told about (him/her) were so special.”

If Faith Wouldn’t Be Offensive or Unwelcome

• “Please know that I’ve been praying for you since I heard the news.”
• “Sending love, hugs and prayers.”
• “Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.” Lamentations 3:31–32 “Praying you feel God’s unfailing love during this painful time.”
• “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34:18 “Praying you feel God’s comfort even as your heart breaks.”

Offer Ways to Help

• “I’d love to help. If I can arrange a meal train for your family, just say yes and I’ll take care of it all.” 
• “I figured you could use some dinner. I dropped a meal on your front porch.”
• “I would be happy to pick the kids up after school and take them to the park for a few hours. Let me know what day works best.” 
• “We’re coming on Saturday to mow the grass.” 

As much as I’ve listed what you *can* say, it feels just as important to mention what you most certainly should *not* say. 

• Avoid clichés and trite sentiments. When sending condolences over text to someone grieving, don't tell them, “There’s always a silver lining to things like this.” “Heaven needed another angel” is just silly in my opinion, as well as “They’re better off.” 
• Steer clear of generic phrases like “It gets easier,” or “Time heals all wounds.” I agree those are true statements, but again, not helpful in the weeks after loss. And never ever begin a sentence with “At least…” like “At least they aren’t in pain.” Just don’t. 
• Be cautious with religious or spiritual references. Consider the person's beliefs before including religious sentiments. That’s why I made sure to add the caveat above when I included Scripture in a text. This isn’t the time to push your beliefs on the grieving family. 
• Refrain from comparing losses or sharing personal experiences. I can’t overstate this one. You may in fact know what it feels like to lose a mother, brother, or child but don’t launch into a story about *your* loss. This is about them. It’s fine to say “I remember how lost I was in the days after my father’s funeral…” and then continue about their loss. That way, they know they can follow up if they do want to share experiences. But don’t assume their feelings are a replica of yours. 
• Don’t make it about you. Leave out “I think you should…” “If I were in your shoes…” or “I remember when…” If they want your advice, they’ll ask for it. 

In our digital age, it’s never been easier to send a sympathy gift following a sympathy text. It’s such an added way to show a loved one you care and are thinking about them. Sympathy gifts could be:

• Online flowers and bouquets - Even though I’m less of a fan of sending condolence bouquets (I’d much prefer a longer lasting memorial keepsake!) if you do want to send something ahead of the funeral, consider shopping local and finding a florist in whatever city or town the service will be held. Some florists have great websites, while others might be best served by a phone call. One of the most meaningful gifts we received after we lost our son were two weeping cherry trees that we planted in the backyard and now they bloom each spring around his birthday. 
• Charitable donations - This is truly a gift that can make a difference. Some death announcements include a suggested charitable donation. It’s a good rule of thumb to honor the family’s wishes in this regard. If nothing is listed, think about the deceased and a cause they were passionate about. 
• E-gift cards - Gift cards can feel impersonal and trite; however practical they may be. But don’t let that stop you from sending one if you think it could be helpful to the family. You can up the personalization factor by thinking about what the recipient might need. A family might appreciate grocery store gift cards or DoorDash to order dinner one night. A gift card to a nice local coffee shop could be accompanied with a text that reads, “If you ever want me to join you for a cup of coffee, just tell me when and I’ll be there. Sending hugs during this difficult time.” 
• Remembrances Gifts - These items can easily become cherished keepsakes for years to come. Whether you choose a Shining Bright Birthday Candle, a Custom Engraved Photo Frame, or one of the many custom windchimes, these thoughtful and personalized sympathy gifts are beautiful and special. Remember, every Laurelbox comes with signature packaging as well as a complimentary personalized notecard. 

I hope this blog about sending condolences over text after a loss was helpful. In a digital age, there really is no excuse not to acknowledge someone’s grief and offer words of support. Be mindful of what to say and what not to say and remember sending sympathy gifts online is another great way to let a loved one know you care! Have you ever received condolences via text or another digital way? Let us know your experience via social media!