Children’s Grief Awareness Month reminds us that grief does not only affect adults. Students often face the loss of loved ones and family pets and need support from the adults, teachers and coaches in their lives. For schools and educators, it is important to know how to provide compassion and support to grieving students. From identifying signs a student may be struggling, to communicating effectively, adults can provide emotional support both inside and outside the classroom. 

According to the National Alliance for Children’s Grief, approximately 6 million children in the US will experience the loss of a parent or sibling before they reach the age of 18. That is a lot of grieving students! Children may not be able to communicate how they are feeling or what emotions they are navigating. Just like with adults, grief can manifest in different ways. Some behavioral signs and health symptoms include:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Aggression or acting out
• Self-harm
• Isolating oneself from friends
• Drop in grades
• Decreased class participation
• Depression or anxiety
• Stomach ache
• Headache
• Changes in appetite
• Difficulty staying focused

It’s important to remember children go through the stages of grief just like adults do. It might be helpful to familiarize yourself with the Kubler-Ross model that includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Remember, all children will grieve differently and some people will jump between or skip stages. 

A combination of factors can influence a student’s grief as well. One of those considerations would be how close the child was with the deceased. Obviously, the loss of a parent or primary caregiver would be an enormous weight for a child to carry. The death of a sibling would be devastating as well. But remember, no matter the loss, make space for the child to grieve. Don’t be dismissive of any type of loss, even that of a beloved pet. 

We want to help equip schools and teachers with tools and practical tips to help grieving students. Here are some strategies from the National Association of School Psychologists. 

• Be simple and straightforward. Discuss death in developmentally appropriate terms for students.
• Use words such as “death,” “die,” or “dying” in your conversations and avoid euphemisms such as “they went away,” “they are sleeping,” “departed,” and “passed away.” Such euphemisms are abstract and may be confusing, especially for younger children.
• Let students know that death is not contagious. Although all human beings will die at some point, death is not something that can be “caught” and it is unusual for children to die.
• Be brief and patient. Remember that you may have to answer the same question multiple times and repeat key information to ensure understanding.
• Listen, acknowledge feelings, and be nonjudgmental.
• Express your own feelings in an open, calm, and appropriate way that encourages students to share their feelings and grief.
• Avoid making assumptions and imposing your own beliefs on students.
• A variety of feelings are normal. Be sensitive to each student’s experience, as there is no one right way to respond to a loss. 
• Normalize expressed feelings by telling students such are common after a death. However, if their expressions include risk to self (e.g. suicidal thoughts) or others, refer immediately to the appropriate professionals.
• Be sensitive to cultural differences of students and their families in expressing grief and honoring the dead.
• Consider a student’s intellectual abilities, behavior, and conceptual understanding of death. For children with developmental disabilities, their limited communication skills do not mean they are unaffected by the death. Behaviors such as increased frustration and compulsivity, somatic complaints, relationship difficulties, and increased self-stimulatory behaviors may be expressions of grief.
• Maintain a normal routine in your classroom and engage students in activities they previously enjoyed.
• Provide the opportunity to talk and ask questions and use these questions to guide further discussion. Encourage students to share feelings, but in ways that are not disruptive to the class or hurtful to other students.
• Keep in mind that some children may have a difficult time expressing their feelings or may not feel comfortable talking at school. Do not pressure these students to talk. Some may prefer writing, drawing, listening to music, or playing a game instead of talking about their feelings. Provide students with a variety of options for expressing grief.
• Talk to the bereaved student’s classmates about grief and emphasize the importance of being understanding and sensitive.
• Help bereaved students find a peer support group. There will likely be others who have also experienced the death of a loved one.

Helping kids cope with loss is an important part of teaching children. Books can be very helpful in describing the complex emotions associated with grief in an age-appropriate way. Make sure to go back and read this blog for some great book suggestions, specifically related to the loss of a sibling. If appropriate in your setting, you (or your entire class) could give a small gift to the grieving child. I’ve never met a child who didn’t like opening a present! Memorial keepsakes are a special way to honor the life of a loved one. Laurelbox offers a variety of beautiful keepsake gifts from engraved jewelry to custom memorial suncatchers. As the holidays approach, check out the holiday sympathy gift collection. Stuffed animals are always welcome too. Warmies are widely available and could provide a needed snuggle. 

Take advantage of Children’s Grief Awareness Month by asking your school or organization to invest in some additional continuing education courses related to supporting grieving students. The Dougy Center offers continuing education courses that could resource teachers and coaches with practical tips and strategies. In addition, check out the FREE teacher training modules offered by the Coalition to Support Grieving Students that is in partnership with the National Education Association. There are three modules that cover how students can understand death and express their grief, ways to initiate conversations about grief with hurting students and also practical guidance for special circumstances surrounding grieving students. 

We hope this blog has been helping in addressing Children’s Grief Awareness Month and explaining how teachers and administrations can shepherd children dealing with grief. With the right training and resources, schools can become safe spaces for grieving students and help them express their emotions in healthy ways. We also shared practical tips for how best to talk to students who are grieving as well as offered ideas on sympathy gifts, books and even free teacher training modules on grief. If you have books or other resources you think are helpful to grieving children, let us know!