Holidays are not always filled with joy, gatherings, and celebration for everyone. They can also be really lonely. Whether coping with the loss of a loved one, living far from family, or navigating major life changes, feelings of isolation can intensify during November, December and January. This blog will explore why the holidays can feel isolating, suggest strategies for coping, and highlight ways to find comfort and connection. Did you know loneliness is considered by many to be a public health crisis? In 2023, then-US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy wrote, “Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling—it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.” Basically, we need connection to thrive! 

We aren’t quite to Thanksgiving yet but it feels like the holiday season is in full swing. My inbox is full of promotions about finding the perfect gift via Black Friday deals (since when did Black Friday last an entire month?? Is that new?) My children’s school is already peppering me with class party reminders and sign ups. Last night, I had to get out of bed in my pajamas to bring my favorite gardenia and jasmine plants inside because of a frost warning. Basically, the winter craziness of all the holidays is quickly approaching. But if you are heading into this holiday season with grief, it may feel less merry and more meh. And that’s okay. There are lots of reasons you might want to channel your inner Grinch this season. If you are grieving someone special, the thought of your first Thanksgiving without them might leave you feeling uncertain, scared and sad. Your dad always carved the turkey and this year it will be someone else. It could be that this holiday, for whatever reason, you’ll be separated from your family. Having to work on Christmas (a flashback to my 24/7 cable news job!) is a reality for many people. It can feel like everyone else is making plans… while you are making plans to order Door Dash. Pad Thai for one, please. If that is going to be your story this year, check out this blog that is all about spending the holidays away from your family and how to create connections and still enjoy the season. Keep reading below for some ways to navigate feelings of isolation and sadness this holiday season. 

The University of Utah shared six ways to deal with loneliness during the holidays:

1. Put Yourself Out There - Take initiative and reach out to friends and family and make plans to connect. Choose to attend an event, church service or volunteer at a food pantry or shelter. 
2. Keep an Open Mind - Making new friends can be a little awkward. It might take a few interactions with someone to know if you have a good rapport and a friendship could develop. But be open to new experiences and new types of people. 
3. Count Your Blessings - In this season of gratitude, pause and reflect on what you are thankful for. Reach out to people who have supported you during difficult seasons and acknowledge their efforts (tips and ideas from this blog!) Start a gratitude journal. I loved the book “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp that inspired me to find joy and thankfulness in the everyday. 
4. Know That Everyone Struggles - You aren’t alone - even if it feels like it. Don’t assume people’s social media posts are reflections of reality. Acknowledge that you are in a difficult season but then realize it’s just that, a season. It won’t last forever. 
5. Don’t Go Into Hiding - We need each other! It can feel like the right answer is to withdraw when life gets hard. But avoid that lie. Accept the party invitation even if it means showing up alone (but feel free to let the host know you are nervous - maybe they can connect you with another guest who has “been there.”) Make a plan to watch your favorite Christmas movie with people in your circle. Check out your town’s holiday pop up bars with some people from work. 
6. Know When to Get Help - It takes strength and courage to admit you don’t have it all together. If you feel like your anxiety, depression, or loneliness is reaching a dangerous level, reach out to a friend, licensed professional, support or the 988 crisis line. 

We’ve talked about some healthy ways to navigate feelings of loneliness this holiday season. It’s also important to focus on comfort, connection, and self-care to manage isolation and feelings of loss. Maybe you are walking through infertility and you had desperately wanted to announce to your family that you were expecting, but that hasn’t happened yet. I’ve been there and that’s really hard. It could be you lost a parent this year and are grappling with the reality that the holidays will be totally different. A dear friend of mine lost her mom this summer and shared these words with me that may help someone else grieving. 

“My mama died of breast cancer in June after great suffering. I miss her more than I can say. She was one of my best friends and we talked almost every day. As sad (and still shocked) as I am that she’s no longer physically here with us, I feel her so often; my girls and I have since started having tea from our garden each afternoon just so we can use her beautiful tea cups and saucers; I inherited her enormous cookbook collection and smile each time I look through one; I feel her when I cook her favorite dishes and the ones she taught me growing up, teaching the same lessons to my own children. I keep her sweetest photos up in my pantry and every time I walk in there (many times a day!) I see her beautiful, beaming face. I wear her jewelry and can recall a thousand times she gave me a big hug or made me laugh. The suffering that she (and our whole family) endured felt completely overwhelming at the time, along with the grief that accompanied and followed it. But I am truly comforted knowing that she is no longer suffering, and we will get to spend all eternity with her.”

Just like my friend Amanda did, find ways to feel connected to the person you lost through reflection and self-care. For you that might mean lighting one of our remembrance candles and sitting in some memories for a few minutes each day. It could be journaling your emotions with a warm cup of tea. I am someone who loves pictures. My mom brain can fuzzy up my recollections so a photograph helps jog this elder millennial’s memory! I love the Aura photo frame for the ability and ease to add pictures as well as share pictures between family members. Make sure to check out the laurelbox holiday collection too. The personalized remembrance table top tree is a beautiful addition to your Christmas decor that I think would help with holiday loneliness when you look at it and remember how much your person loved you! 

We hope this blog brought awareness to the challenges that come with the holiday season for those who are grieving. Our goal was to offer comfort to those feeling isolated during the holidays as well as suggesting ways to find connection and healthy coping strategies for those grieving this season. Prioritize your health by leaning into relationships this season and finding healthy ways to navigate your grief. Don’t forget, Laurelbox is your community as well! Reach out to us on social media and we’d love to encourage you in your unique grief journey!