There is a raging debate that pits spouses, friends and strangers against each other. People argue passionately that their way of thinking is supreme and the other side is clearly wrong. They feel a close connection to those with whom they share the same beliefs on the hotly contested subject. That debate centers around… when should you start decorating for Christmas? Whether you are firmly entrenched in the “wait until after Thanksgiving” camp or you go full Nutcracker and chuck your Halloween pumpkin at the stroke of midnight on October 31st, the reality is that there is no right or wrong answer. That is also true around the much more serious question of, “How can I honor a lost loved one during the holidays?” If you aren’t sure how to navigate this holiday season with an empty place at the table, keep reading. Whether your loss is fresh and painful or time has passed but the grief remains, we want to offer ideas and suggestions for some ways to incorporate a loved one’s memory during the holidays.

From the outset, it’s important to pause and take an inventory of your emotions at this current juncture. Acknowledging the different stages of grief, and the stage you are currently in, can help you strategize how best to navigate the particular challenges the holidays present to bereaved people. The initial stages of denial and shock can leave you feeling unstable and numb. You may think you can compartmentalize your feelings and push through but my experience is that grief always finds you, usually during the most inopportune moments! Anger and guilt come next and could leave you feeling like Ebenezer Scrooge, yelling at everyone around you and threatening to cancel Christmas entirely. When we are experiencing pain, it can be difficult to accept that certain things are outside of our control. The bargaining stage may prompt you to try and make deals with yourself, a loved one, or even God in hopes of changing your current circumstance. The holidays can already be a stressful time but add in the depression stage and you can get extra sad faster than your inbox fills with Black Friday sales. Make sure to know your limits and yourself. Do you need to be around people right now or is it better to skip that work party? Keep in mind, these grief stages can happen out of order and you can move back and forth between emotions.  

Finally, during the acceptance phase you might be in more of a stable headspace and be able to manage holiday emotions by setting boundaries and taking time to balance grief and gratitude. Make sure to identify common triggers and think through how you’ll respond to them, so there’s less chance you’ll be caught off guard. 

I am a sucker for a holiday tradition. In our family, we have non-negotiables around the holidays. We have a long list of Christmas movies that we must watch. We have Christmas pjs that must be worn. We have Christmas decor and special ornaments that must be displayed. These constants can have a grounding effect. Traditions give us a sense of stability and bring us together. If this is your first holiday season after losing a loved one, your world can feel upside down. Holidays without a loved one are incredibly difficult but creating a new special tradition may help ease the pain, at least a little. Traditions provide comfort, especially to those who are missing loved ones at Christmas. After a death, it’s easy to feel like the world is moving on and leaving your loved one’s memory in the rear view mirror. Creating a new remembrance tradition and finding special ways to keep their memory alive can help connect you to the past while embracing the future. Some new traditions could be:

• Take a Trip - Consider packing up and choosing a new location to spend the holidays. The excitement and newness of travel might give you a sense of adventure and wonder. 
• Recipe Redo - As much as you love the same dishes every year, maybe try some new sides, a different entree, or change up the dessert. If your loved one always wanted a different type of stuffing but you refused, give their dish a chance and eat it in their honor. 
• A Walk Down Memory Lane Jar - At your next holiday gathering, consider putting together a memory jar or memory box in honor of the deceased. Have everyone go around the table and say their special memory that they’ve written down. The memory jar can be opened each holiday season, fostering a strong sense of connection despite the passage of time. 

Another new tradition that would be very meaningful is to create a memorial tree. You may be asking, “What is a memorial tree?” A memorial Christmas tree is simply a way of incorporating memorial keepsake ornaments, items connected to memories, or other tribute pieces onto a tree in honor of a deceased loved one. You could also dedicate a portion of your existing Christmas tree that could feature keepsake ornaments from the Laurelbox holiday collection. In the years since losing our second son Cooper at full term and another son miscarried at week 11, we have been given a number of special ornaments. A part of our decorating tradition is to group these ornaments together as a special tribute to our boys, along with a cardinal ornament in honor of my late father. You could also buy a smaller tree that would be solely in memory of your loved ones. Include different items that remind you of the person and some photographs and add them to the tree. If you are in the depths of grief and that all feels like too much effort, Laurelbox has a new personalized remembrance tabletop tree that would be a perfect gift for yourself or a grieving friend. 

We hope this blog encourages you to find special ways to honor the lost loved ones in your life over this holiday season. Whether the loss is fresh or happened years ago, finding new traditions to incorporate their memory can bring you one step forward in the healing journey. Keepsake memorial trees, personalized ornaments, or creating a memory box are just a few ways to find joy and purpose during the holiday season. Don’t be afraid to find ways big and small to honor those special people in your life. How do you plan to honor a loved one’s memory this season? Let us know by emailing us at info@laurelbox.com or find us on Instagram!